My Journey Of Personal Transformation

In The Beginning

There are some things, some areas in my life which are in need of healing, things from the time of my conception. I have discovered certain tendencies in my life which do not give glory to Him, nor serve or benefit my own growth or the growth of my family. I have tried every form of prayer, proclamation, fasting, memorization of scripture, and read every thing I could read, yet this inadequacy was and is a prevalent aspect of my life. Every time I try to proceed, walking into the very heart of my destiny it rears its ugly head and I shrink back, but not this time. My time has come for the Lord to arise and shine on me.

Through the prayers of a friend, my own inclinations and wooing to draw aside into His presence were validated and confirmed. Now hear me, I have always drawn away for times of refreshing and soaking in His presence, but this will be different and I know it. I just don’t know how it will look, how it will express itself. All I know it is going to be a journey of healing. I am going to the pool of Shalom where the angels stir the waters or should I say I am the pool of Shalom and the Lord is coming to stir my waters.

In the days to come I hope to journal this journey with you in the hopes your life will be touched and healed as I am fully healed and brought into the fullness of who I am in Him and He is in me. I may not have something different every day, for I may need to camp at some spots along the way in order for His complete work to be done.

Day one will last as long as it last, until the Lord speaks to me, “It is good!” In other words, this portion of my journey will be complete and He will instruct me to move on.

You are welcome to take this journey with me and maybe, just maybe you will take your own. May God be glorified in all I say and share, for He is the Lover of my soul. I am created in His image, part and parcel of who He is. I am in Him and He is in Me. Please have and open mind and heart as you read these things.

Some things may be a bit different than what you have heard or experienced before, but we serve a highly creative and imaginative God who will use anything and do whatever it takes in His pursuit of us.

A Bit Of History

I was conceived in 1956 and born August 31, 1957. My mother was single and at age 20 or so, had a relationship with a 60 year-old man. This was not done, completely unacceptable; therefore she made the decision to give me up for adoption. My adoptive mother found out about me at her local beauty shop. Unable to have children of her own she and my father decided to adopt me.

To the best of my knowledge, after my birth my birth mother vacillated back and forth which left me in somewhat of a holding position while she made up her mind. Eventually, my adoptive parents took me home where I was the center of attention until they adopted my younger brother. On the day he came home I decided it was time to walk…I will share more later but it is in this portion of my life the Lord is ministering to me, so I am camping out here a bit.

Day One

As I was sitting in my hot tub this morning, with moisture from the nights rain filling the air like a thick blanket, I knew my journey had begun. Every living thing seemed to shout, to burst with glorious shades of abundant green life. My senses were overwhelmed with the presence of the Lord and I knew He was coming to meet me. Sweet Holy Spirit cloaked me within a protective embrace. I was so aware of His presence, still am as I relay these things to you. I feel like two glasses of water have been poured together.

He prompted me to worship among the warm bubbling waters. They seemed to encase me, massaging my spirit, bringing me into a place of soft receptiveness to things I might not have otherwise imagined or even accepted. I began to remember my illegitimate beginnings, and heard the Lord speak these words to me.
Brenda, My Love

“Brenda, my love, I have come to visit you today, to clear up once and for all who you are to Me. You are mid-way in a journey I started with you two years ago. I have spoken many things to you, but I have so much more to say and do. It is time to bring all I have said to life. Don’t be afraid, for I am going to show you some things and ask you to do some things you might be uncomfortable with.”

“I am so very aware of your beginnings, your day of conception. I knew you before you were born, before you were conceived in the depths of your mother’s womb and I loved you. You didn’t have a mom and dad who were married and loved each other. They didn’t give birth to you and raise you up in My love and admonition. Yes, they gave you away and I know the wounding it left on your spirit from the day you were conceived. I am coming today and I am going back into those days to redeem them. Remember, there is no time and space in Me.”

“I am going to take My finger, My essence, My power and I am going to touch you today. I am putting My finger into the pools of your heart to stir the waters. As I touch you each and every time, ripples with go out from My touch, traveling down the corridors of your life, redeeming what the locust have eaten. What the enemy has stolen will be returned seven-fold. Justice is now done on your behalf. I throw Myself into any bitter waters of your life and heart. And you, Brenda, My love are made sweet.”

“I want you to come to love who you were then and I am going to use you to speak healing over your own life. Don’t be afraid to embrace your own self in intimate ways. Remember, how I told you that you needed to bring the power working within you into agreement with the power that works for you by building a bridge of agreement with your words.

“Now is the time to bring who I am in you and who I am for you together in the greatest healing of your life. You will speak the words you hear in your heart to your own inner child who was wounded so long ago. You will speak My words not only to your inner child but to your spirit as you grew. Out of this you will learn how to spiritually massage the hearts of others. What I give you, I have always planned to do this and for you to give it away. Open your self, your heart for I am near, I am here.”
Visual Experience One

I began to see a picture in my mind, in my heart of the Lord standing over my pregnant mother. I heard the Lord ask me to speak to myself in my mothers womb and tell the child how much she is loved and anticipated by the Father.

I began speaking words of love to my own self through the veil of time and space. Remember, time as we know it does not exist in Him, does not exist in the spirit.

I began to speak the words from the Father’s heart to my own heart. My words became the bridge to connect my very deepest essence with the Father’s original intentions for my life from the beginning of all time where I existed in His heart. You see I am a portion of His DNA, necessary to the fulfillment of His redemptive plans upon, within the earth and throughout all eternity.

“Brenda, you are so loved by your Father in heaven and I love you too. Your mother loves you too. Even though she is in a bad circumstance, she still loves you. Receive this love. You are not rejected, abandoned or unloved. I release healing over your emotions, your feelings of inadequacy.

“You were meant to be. Your life is a blessing; a joy anticipated by those who are born and yet unborn you will minister too. I have made you for a wonderful purpose. I made you to know My heart, My mind, and My thoughts. You are My voice, My stream of love, mercy and grace. I remove all generational ties off of your spirit. I untie you from the pasts and loose you into the glorious light and love into who you are in Me. ”

Visual Experience Two

I must admit, this visual shook me a bit, but before I could discard it, I felt the love of a mother holding her precious infant within her arms.

I began to see a picture of a painted photograph of me as a baby. This photo is the most beautiful photo I have of me as a child. My mother had it restored and gave it to me as a gift. In this picture, my hands are lifted almost all the way up as if in praise. I am dressed in this absolutely darling, frilly dress. My head is perfectly shaped by this time and my smile, well, though not overt, is sweet and delightful. It is by far the best picture I have ever taken.

As I began seeing this picture, the Lord prompted me to close my eyes and imagine myself holding the baby I saw in the photo. The minute I gave in to this unusual vision, I felt an enormous love for the baby, the baby who is me.

I began to feel the sensation of touching, loving, holding myself as baby, even to planting soft kisses on her/my face. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I told her how much I loved her and always would. I could smell her, sense her. I began to speak words of affirmation to her, telling her spirit to receive the love she somehow felt she never had. I spoke acceptance over her, releasing rejection and abandonment from her. I called her the prophetic Seer she is. I sensed her fear and removed it with my words of love, imparting peace to the very depths of her being.

You See

You see, I have always struggled to some extent to know who I really am, always being hard on myself by expecting more than I could ever deliver. If I did deliver, I would set the mark just a little higher than my accomplishment; therefore, I could never win. I could not fully love myself. After all I wasn’t supposed to be. To some extent I was unwanted, and not nourished in the way God intended in those beginning days, even from my conception.

This is why the Lord began to show me from the point of conception. He had and has some things to say to me at that time in my life and He wants to use me to do it. He knows in the process, not only will I become free, but I will love myself the way He loves me. Since I am created in His image, He can not be disappointed with me, for if He were to be disappointed with me He would have to be disappointed with Himself.

This is all I will share for Day One. I will continue to speak to the precious child He has shown me until He moves me on. As He speaks to me I will share it with you…as I said, “In hopes you will start your own personal journey to wholeness of purpose and destiny.”

I will return soon, I hope, with Day Two. Until then spend some time with the Lover of your life, your health, your emotions, yes… spend some time with the Lover of your soul…He is waiting.

Brenda Craig Copyright 2017, All rights reserved. Reprint allowed only with written permission