Unrealistic Father Expectations?
Do we have unrealistic expectations of what a father is supposed to be? If not, then where are these men? Perhaps this is another one of Satan’s tricks to get us off course so we will feel sorry for ourselves and thus fall into some sort of idolatry by judging all men. After all, it doesn’t seem reasonable that we are supposed to have fathers and can’t find them. However, if Satan could mess with our mind enough to get us to start judging all men, then he has just hit a home run. This would of course cause us to raise our expectation of fathers to standards that are unattainable.
Does man start out in life unhampered by the burden of flesh? No, every man starts out in life unredeemed, self-centered, full of lust and completely undisciplined. His thoughts are entirely on himself and things that feel good to him.
Mothers, on the other hand, have the rare privilege of giving birth to that little lump of clay as well as starting the process of forming it into what is hoped to be one day, ‘a man’. However, I must admit, sometimes the clay that mother has to work with is not potter’s clay at all, but just plain old road-bed clay. What a revolting development that is!
There seems to be two significant extremes found in fathering. I want to explore them in order to show the right father example.
Weak -weenie- Daddy
One of the extremes is the ‘Weak -weenie- Daddy,’ who only provides food, clothing, and shelter…while “Strong -I’m wearing the pants around this house- Mother,” takes full responsibility for raising the kids. This method is dysfunctional to say the least. When there is a role reversal contrary to God’s order, it weakens the very fiber of any child that is raised in such a home. The above method also reveals the father’s fear and weakness, as well as the mother’s insecurity and possible mistrust of men.
Dominate Father
The second extreme is the dominate father who rules by intimidation. This man has misunderstood his role in the home and feels that God somehow has given him the right to rule in such a way. The child, as well as the mother will become brain-washed victims of this man. There will be a growing insecurity and an “almost” guarantee that the child himself will grow up to be an intimidator.
Over The Years
Over the years, I have heard many well meaning people say there’s no such thing as victims. I only wish that were true. I’ve never seen anybody who wanted to live a life of fear and being rejected because they didn’t measure up. It’s absurd to think that people want to be under-achievers or less than conquerors. No one wants to be less than what God has ordained him to be. The fact is, there are thousands of children being raised everyday that are dysfunctional and under-achievers because they have been victimized through intimidation by a dysfunctional dad.
This is certainly not God’s best. According to Matthew 10:8, He has a plan for such problems. “He has anointed and appointed us to preach the good news, heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the leper and cast out demons”. If you will notice, 80% of what God tells us to do in that scripture has to do with healing and restoration. God has always had a plan to heal us from our dysfunctionality and victimization when there is a decision on our part to let Him.
One of the most beautiful pieces of human artwork is that of a Godly father functioning with his wife and children. His movement and speech seem to produce a heavenly sound that would match a master violinist playing a Stradivarius.
Since God has high expectations of fathers, maybe our expectations of fathers are not unrealistic after all. God sees more potential in us than any of us realize. I think every man that reads this should shout from the house tops. “Heavenly Father, I am going for it. I want to reach my full potential as a man and a father.”
Father,
Let this be the time when all of us men press into the father potential that you have placed in us. Help us to give off sounds of peace, comfort and protection that make our families secure. Father, we want to be pure men who know how to cover our families with love and not with intimidation and fear.
Amen
For though ye have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet have ye not many fathers: for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel (1 Cor 4:15 KJV)
Apostle John Dean Copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
Alliance International Ministries